You don’t have daddy issues (probably), it might be an evolutionary trait!

Do you like older guys? You might ask yourself, is it because I have a rocky relationship with my father? Was he involved in my life? Was he there but emotionally absent? Was it because I did not receive enough attention from him? Do I have daddy issues? But you might have a healthy relationship with your dad but still older guys just appeal to you?

According to licensed mental health counselor Bisma Anwar, "daddy issues" is frequently used to refer to women's attachment problems in relationships. This typically results from an early, insecure relationship with a father or other father figure(s). According to popular culture, women with "daddy issues" date older, unsuitable men as a result of their problematic father-child connections. Adults who have father difficulties do so because they have an unmet need for understanding, affection, support, and approval from their parents. 

Relationship difficulties faced by women who have daddy issues are caused by the different types of father figures they have. Those whose fathers are violent and abusive might be in a relationship with partners who are most likely to share the same traits as their fathers. Those whose fathers are physically dependent upon their children might be easy to manipulate or exploit for financial or sexual purposes by their partners. There are a few signs and symptoms that indicate you might face some issues with your relationship with your father which is now affecting your current romantic relationships. While the list is very exhaustive; one of its signs includes the need to have an older partner.

Regardless of that, wanting a partner who is older than you is not mutually exclusive with having daddy issues. You can find the explanation in science as to why many females prefer older partners.

Developed by Robert Trivers in 1972, the Parental Investment Theory is an evolutionary theory that explains the differences in reproductive strategies and behaviors between males and females. The foundation of the theory is the idea that males and females frequently have varying amounts of parental investment, which results in variations in their mating and reproductive strategies. Parental investment refers to the resources, time, energy, and effort that parents devote to raising and caring for their offspring. In many species, including humans, females generally have a higher initial parental investment than males because they typically invest more in gestation, childbirth, and nurturing their offspring. 

But what do all those fancy words mean, Milo? This means because females have a higher initial parental investment, they are the choosier sex and tend to be more selective in their choice of mates. In addition to that considering females usually have a limited number of eggs (females humans only produce 1 ovum per month!) and the female reproductive life is shorter, this limits the number of offspring they can produce; hence their behaviors usually correlate to which would maximize their reproductive success.

This discussion brings us to the Sexual Strategies Theory by Buss and Schmitt (1993) which implores the strategies both sexes utilize in the pursuit of the overall goal of reproductive success. Females in particular would want for a mate who is prepared and able to provide for children. This requires that the female's life partner be healthy and contribute good genes to the offspring.

Coming back to the main point of this essay as to why females are attracted to older males is because 

(1) Resource Acquisition: One theory suggests that women are attracted to older men because they may have required more resources over their lifetime, making them better providers. The likelihood of their offspring's survival would have increased in prehistoric environments when elder men may have had more knowledge and access to resources. These older spouses might be financially secure, and have a solid job, and a home—all of which are regarded as important assets for starting a family.

(2) Stability and Commitment: It's possible that older males are seen as more reliable and committed to a serious relationship. This is significant when it comes to parenting kids because women may require more safety and support during pregnancy and childrearing.

But Milo, for all we know maybe maybe those females who date older guys still have daddy issues? How do you know if females who date older guy does not have daddy issues?? 

According to Skentelbery and Fowler's (2016) research study of 173 women, 44 of whom were dating men who were at least 10 years older than them, the notion that women choose noticeably older partners because of "daddy issues" is baseless. Additionally, they observed no discernible difference in attachment styles between women in relationships with partners who are of a comparable age and those who are of a different age. In fact, they discovered that 74% of the female partners in age-gap couples felt secure in their relationship. Insecure attachment patterns among women with daddy issues have been hypothesized, yet this is the exact opposite.

It's crucial to remember that while evolutionary theories provide fascinating insights into our behaviors and preferences, they don't dictate our choices in today's world. Our tastes in partners are incredibly diverse and influenced by a multitude of factors, including our unique life experiences and the culture we're a part of. I firmly believe that in the modern age, relationships should be a partnership where both individuals have the means to contribute to their children's well-being. Relying entirely on one partner for everything might not be the most practical or equitable approach. It's also intriguing to think about how our ancestors' mating strategies still have subtle influences on our choices today. This reflection serves as a reminder that while we've come a long way, some echoes of our past still resonate in our modern lives!

Reference list:

LMHC, B. A. (2022, March 28). “Do I Have Daddy Issues?” Ask a Therapist. Talkspace. https://www.talkspace.com/blog/daddy-issues/

Trivers, R.L. (1972). Parental investment and sexual selection. In B. Campbell (Ed.), Sexual selection and the descent of man, 1871-1971 (pp. 136–179). Chicago, IL: Aldine. ISBN 0-435-62157-2.

Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (1993). Sexual Strategies Theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review, 100(2), 204–232. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.100.2.204

Skentelbery, S. G., & Fowler, D. M. (2016). Attachment Styles of Women-Younger Partners in Age-Gap Relationships. Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, 10(2), 142-147.

 

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