Hating Feminity: A universal experience

My favourite colour has always been pink, yes the wallpapers in my childhood room is pink (yes, “was” because the current tenant has ripped my pink wallpaper off). Nevertheless, I still remember in primary and high school where me and other bunch of girls go through this phase where I hate the colour pink; it is not just the colour. I hate every other thing that is related to feminity: makeups, dresses, barbie movies etc. A pick me? Perhaps, that is the right term to use.

But, being a pick me suggests that you want to be different than other girls? So was it true that I want to differentiate mayself from the majority of girls? In all honesty, it doesnt make sense that I want to be categorized in a seperate boxes than my girls. Have you ever found yourself in a girl group friends? Aren’t they all amazing? The most suppportive people you have ever known. If you love those girls to the fullest, why do you try so hard to be different than them?

Perhaps, idk was it validation? Kita semua pengemis validasi, maybe you thought you can get a boy's attention better if you seperate yourself from the crowd.

Maybe that is true, to some extent. But honestly, the reason I tried so hard to strip my feminity is because, being a girl was difficult, your words are not taken seriously because you run on your emotion so that makes your opionin worthless, you cant be talkative because that makes you annoying, you cant be direct with what you want, because now you are a bitch.

Oh, and the classic joke “you throw like a little girl”. Look at that sentence again, and feel how conscending that is? If someone said that to me I would literally have a fit? But I shouldnt be, kan? Have you seen little girls? They have ideas, they are strong, they strive for their future. Why is it such an insult being a little girl then? Try having to listen to that joke ever since you are little?

Maybe Freud was right, girls do have Penis Envy. If with penis, I can finally be my true self without people commenting on me solely due to my gender, yes can I have a dick attached to my body please. The issue is, you cannot simply grow yourself a dick right? You cannot be a boy in a night. So what how do you resolve that? You try to get scraps off of your feminity, in the hope that maybe, maybe you can stand at the same level with men.

How crazy it is that even 10 years old girl can already understand how inequal our society is? I dont blame them for being a pick me, if your whole life you got judged badly because you are stereotyped based on your gender, I had say it is only rational that you want to prove to others that "I am not like other women".

The journey of embracing your feminity is not just about accepting that you like pink, makeup and dresses, but it is about coming to term that you can be feminine and get taken seriously; that being feminine is a good thing. Thank you, reader.

ps: This journey has been amazing and I am estatic that I could share this with you 💓.