Is this the end of my prime time?

I could not quite remember when the catcall starts, all I know is that it started way before I reached puberty, even before I could properly spell the word harassment without having a second guess whether the word is spelled with a double S or not. I got my puberty earlier than the average girl so that might explain why I got catcalled at such a young age, because yes having boobs allow you to get treated disrespectfully by men. But, interestingly enough, I got catcalled a lot when I was in school uniform, they know that they have power over me since I would not talk back to them.

I am 21 now and I get catcalled lesser and lesser every day and as much as I love being safe and comfortable in my own space, the absence of harassment I get from men makes me question how attractive I am now to them. Maybe after years of getting catcalled, your brain makes the connection of being catcalled to being attractive and if you are not getting catcalled, that simply means you are no longer attractive. Well, that seems pathetic from my side, but when you grew up with the idea that your purpose is to be attractive to men, not getting their attention (read: negative attention) can be stressful.

As someone who preaches for feminism, I feel like my statement might inadvertently set back the feminist movement, I still wholeheartedly believe that catcalling is a form of harassment but I can't help but think about my value as a woman and how aging has affected how men view me. Like Jessica Valenti said in her article, " Have I reached my "last fuckable day"? ". It is also interesting to address the negative connotation that comes with aging and how the industry has made a lot of women fear getting older and having wrinkles. I believe aging is a privilege and every aging sign are indications that you lived. The laugh lines are proof of all the happy memories that you made and the sun spots are all the evidence of you being out there enjoying life. Being said, I am embracing the fact that aging is supposed to be a happy journey and not a sad one. There are lots of learning and unlearning to do, and I am happy to go through each one of them.