Graduated IB

It was manageable after all, I got a 41, an A for my Extended Essay that I spent more than a year, worrying myself about, procrastinated till the end and a C for my Theory of Knowledge, bit disappointed actually but it is all in the past now.

To be frank, much of memories having done IB is not all the assignments it was all the memories I made with my friends, all the sleepovers, all the makan makan and the study sessions at LC and LRC. Am I a changed woman? Certainly, if there is one thing that I can pinpoint is the fact that I was able to make peace with rejection and/or redirection. Coming from a patriarchal family, your mother and you yourself has always had to prove themselves to the rest of the family, you need to be the best, beat the rest, show that you are special and your place is not at the kitchen.

It started from high school, lower form when I started to aiming for the best, best student, best speaker, favorite student, you know anything to prove that I am worthy, I am validified academically. And during that time, my mother was a single mother, at least if I succeed I could show them how single mother could raise a great daughter (aka me) and to add more, during this time I was not allowed to see my father and any type of attention received by adult (especially male adults) are craved tenderly.

I was the favorite student, I got the best student award for my PT3 result, in class I was told to teach my peers, I was so naïve, they were laboring my nerd ass, these teachers. But yea, same goes in upper form, I got awarded best debater award, I got 3rd place in the batch, people started to know me, so does the teachers. I rarely feel as if I was not good enough, I know I am good.

It goes downhill when I first started IB, I was still doing well, got honor rolls every semester, maintaining it but problem comes with proposals and IAs, few times my assignments got marked and I had to re-do. It felt as if my advisors stamped me with a big red "FAIL" on my forehead, I was not taking that well. Like the Tiktok audio, "NOOOO I AM A STAR". It was terrible, and my anxiety was not helping at all. 

It is not like I am the only person whose proposal or document that needed editing, everyone does but getting told that your work is not perfect feels like a huge failure. Soon I learnt a valuable lesson how all those thing doesn't really matter, you need rejection to grow as a person, we all know we are good but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be better, right?

As I am writing this, I am preparing myself for my first exam in University, let us see how it goes!