If it is a compliment why do I feel uncomfortable?

 Last two weeks, I went to PBAKL (Pesta Buku Antarabangsa Kuala Lumpur) at PWTC with some my friends. Since I always have the tendency to get lost, I figured out why not ask for a balloon. So, I actually went to one of the counter and asked for one, might as well get a "signpost" so it is much easier to find my lost friends (though sometimes I am the one that go around wandering crowded place). No visual needed but I still want to post some picture of us with the balloon lmao.

Anyway as I was walking through the stalls, holding the very said balloon, someone came up to me and compliment the balloon,

"Comelnya belon,"

which I admit, it is, but then the guy continued with,

" ...... tapi awak lagi comel"

I felt very much disgusted that I walked away as fast as I can, cursing, I was trembling until I finally found my group of friends.

So when I reached my friends, they comforted me and Tisya (not real name) even said how if the guy suddenly reach us again she would smack the guy and protect me AHAHHAHAHA. Ayep (not real name) recalled his experience with compliment. He shared about how two of his friends decided to buy flowers at Pasar Seni and throw some written compliment alongside and give it to any random girls they found around the LRT Station. I thought to myself

" Hmm, that seems sweet,"

But then, Ayep said it actually caused a turmoil among U* students with a message circulating the girls group chat saying how girls should be careful since it was reported that some guys have been giving flowers to girls. As much as I know that Ayep's friends intention was good and since they are nice guys (Ayep is a nice guy so I presume his friends are too), I totally get why the girls at U* was scared when two random guys randomly approached them and give flowers.

Okay, we got two situation as reference in our hand, 1) Random guy calling me cute and 2) Two guys giving out flowers. So, the question of the century is, 

What makes a compliment, a harassment?

Person giving out the compliment

So, to lay things out, there are mainly 4 type of people

1) Female friends, Female acquittances

2) Female strangers

For the above two category, receiving compliment from them is absolutely adorable and nothing screams harassment nor I feel uncomfortable. Though I must declare some compliment that focuses on body parts (read: excessive) might still cause discomfort, it depends la this kind of thing perlukan common sense gak. 

Same goes to suka tepuk punggung kawan (IDK why I mention this tapi dekat sekolah rendah aku selalu buat and I feel guilty of charge), only if your friend give absolute, certain confirmation that they are okay with diberi tepukan di punggung only can you do it. Sometimes, friends forget boundaries between their peers and always assume just because someone doesn't confess verbally how they feel, they are okay with it.

3) Male Friends

So far, all the compliments I have received from them are appropriate, more because I treat them as genderless friends so cam takde masalah pun la. Tapi, rule of thumb is to always call them out of you feel discomforted by their compliment. Mainly, there are two types of compliment; over your appearance or your capabilities. The latter usually got no problem la but the first one need further analysis. If its a polite compliment like " I love your outfit" or "You look gorgeous", yes ofc acceptable. But if its glossing over your body part (you know what I mean), that seems out of reach.

4) Male Strangers

OKAY, so this is where we need to make reference from the two situations I shared before. This discussion concerns a huge grey area because one could say that both situations could mean well, maybe the guys' intention was to genuinely compliment girls but regardless, what matters is how the girl receiving the compliment, the one at the receiving end feels. Aight, I am not directly involved in the second event so the first one I shall comment on.

It feels like a harassment because I feel unsafe, ugh we all have been kacau before, the first few words these guys utter sometimes would seem harmless but next lines would turn aggressive, just a matter of time before they will start being demanding of our attention and worst, following us and forcing us for our numbers. I was scared of my life for that, I was walking alone, so many things could have happened. Even if the guy's intention was to genuinely compliment me (which I absolutely disagree), his method was wrong. 

It feels like a harassment, because he approached me with no Salam and what not. It was rude and unwelcoming.

It feels like a harassment because it scares me.

Now that I read it thoroughly, what Ayep's friends did (reference to second situation) might as well be considered a harassment because the girls obviously feel unsafe. If they truly wish to make some girls day, other approaches are much better. 

This is a great article, incase you want further reading.

byeeeee