2020 in a nutshell (work in progress)

 Assalamualaikum and Haiiiiii!!

First of all, I am so sorry that I am such a bad blogger, I tried to keep up with writing monthly but most of the time I tend to procrastinate until it has been to long since I posted, 2 months to be exact.

Hmm, 2020, I would say that this year is really like a never ending roller coaster with surprise at each edge , but I could say I am at both ends. I am really happy but also really sad. But you cant experience the brightest day without the gloomy one and  I just learnt to find happiness in each situation u cant ask for more if you are not grateful at the first place hehe.

1. Friends

I met a lot of amazing people, I reconnect with people that id never think i would, but isn't that that the typical friendship formation, u just thought this girl is a bij but turns out she's the funniest bij to be around. Or the guy that u thought would be a huge nerd but apparently ur just to skeptical and judgmental. You soon to exchange tiktok around and ended up sharing childhood stories bawling our eyes after 2 hours of call pouring your pain and sadness also they both are the one that helped you a lot for your scholarship interview. What could have turned out if it weren't for them. So grateful for both of em ,Anis and Najwan, only god knows how lost could I had be without their encouragement and love. I learnt a lot from them witty remarks and lawak hambar. thanks to them i also have upgarded my humor standards because the bar is too low for them, very not classy HAHAHA.

ada jugak feindship that are broken off, totally not their problem because most of the time, i feel the ened to end it because id like to keep my circle small. Not all people that are close to you have good intention and there is no porpose of keeping them in my live.  I wouldnt say that i cyt the silaturrahim but I just dont talk to them that often unless its beneficial. In the end kan, you only keep people who you can truly trust around. 

Ah, since i entered college this year ofc i made a lot of new friends. do  u ever feel like befreinding someone and dont know to apporach them. I realised most freidnship are unintetinal and you dont neseccaily need to force it because if itsn meant to be it will , sooner or later. Personallu, i face that alot. I would just like saw someone and be like oh hes cool or shes great, it must be fun to get closer with them but like i sais earlier i just let it be, also mainly becausw i hate beria so most of the time i just let people tegur me first becausw i hold down to my pride. definitely a bad trait i will change it next year HAHAHA.

Friends are somewhat those who you feel free and comfortbale to be vulnerable infront of them, someone you can tell anything abour urslef that u wont feel emabrassed pun amd im glad i found a few this year. although not all things can be shared to them but it makes you relieve that yu can pour your hearts out amd they wont leave you there insetaed they guide you and try to make the best verison out of you.

Guy friend. idk why i want to talk abou this maybe because this is a quite different than past eyars. because honestly i have little to none prior entering collehe because i went to all girls schhol for 5 years let alome a religious school also do u think i will have guy fiend from other school. i only made rivals from debate competition tho w swsu2sh.k paroh paroh. at first i was skeptical because you know im adapting and to be surrounded by them at college just thinking of it feels dreadful dude i feel threatened and unsafe among them like fr, is that sexist, sorry everyone. There is only five of them in my class and lucky because they are nice guys so that is the first alhamdulillah kwkwk. But after a few months i realized that theres not much difference pun, so okay je la oun sebenarnya hahaha. i was worrried for nothing.

Despite wanting to make friend, its contradictory trait because i also hate it when people tryna get closer to me, i know its weird maybe its fighting mechanism caused my past trauma lol.

2. ignorance is not a bliss

so, im not going to expose myslef but being in denial of whats wrong isnt going to solve the problem because the pain will just become more suffrable, you might have thought that you will be emotionally numb but nope, u will feel much terrible beacuse things always ahppens and soon the rpoblems will  be pilling up that u cant handle it anymore.