Letter to Z

tell me why

i still look for you

in everyone else's eyes 

never felt those things

it doesn't feel the same

When I moved outta Selangor, I tried to keep in touch with this one friend of mine, let's us call her Z. It went smooth at first, otp once per two days. The calls weren't even that long, 15 minutes per session. Sometimes, it went up to 1 hour. I was getting trough something monumental at the moment. Then she said something about exam was getting nearer and her father had advised for her to lessen our calls, you know; focus on studies instead.

I understood, lesser call and months passes and till now no longer calls made. We stopped talking immediately, I don't have her phone number nor do I follow her on the gram. Sure, I saw her account on the recommendation accounts to follow; few times dah but I don't feel the need to reconnect.

 It is all in the past and as much as I loved to re-enact all those moments, I managed to find peace with letting things in the past, let it be where it should be; in the past. 

One thing for sure, no one could ever replace her warmth, the way she made me feel so safe. I tried looking for her in everyone, they never make me feel like how I felt with you. But, this is not me saying that I still need you in my life. This is me letting go of you in my life. Thanks for the memory but I am helping myself to move one.

What I understand is that, people will leave and that's fine. But whatever emotions people made you feel will never be enacted by anyone. Everyone has their own influence they had on other people.

I believe, making peace knowing not everyone will stay in your life will make you more peaceful. Sure, it is not easy, knowing that people that are now important wouldn't stay that way in another year, cherish it while you can but also be realistic.

I don't know if I'm making any sense or not, am too emotional right now. 

If you are seeing this Z, I miss you like crazy. But, I am okay with not being a part of your life. Thanks for all the memory, you made me feel loved and cared. Take Care :)