I like someone??

wah shocked aren't we?

idk, I kinda have my eyes on this one person but at the same time I'm disgusted with the fact that I liked him (cue: Alexa play Gross by Olivia Redrigo), well maybe "like" doesn't suits that sentence. He has a great personality, tolerable and not annoying (yet) and overall just a nice guy. 

25th September 2021

Update:

I am no longer in love. Turns out it was not love nor an attraction. It just that I love the attention he gave me. Sure he checks out some of my standards, as to what I look for in a guy but meh, this time is not it.

Aku rasa macam lama juga la kut aku macam fikir pasal perasaan aku kan, AAAA rasa macam budak sekolah rendah.

Dia sebenarnya macam ini, aku sedang borak dengan cikgu aku pasal my love life selepas itu, dia tanya aku, aku ni betul betul suka atau macam main-main sahaja. Lepas itu aku fikir, kalau betul-betul suka mesti aku boleh bayang sebuah masa depan dengan dia, kan? It should be that way. But, it didn't. 

Lepas that sudden revelation, terus aku dapat simpulkan yang sebenarnya aku kene peer pressur-ed. You see, at my college, by the time it is Semester 3, everyone seems to be dating someone. Maybe I got pressured to have my own S/O that I somehow lied to myself by playing with own feelings that I liked that guy.

As a result, in instant, the next few days, he had texted me something. I had usually felt super happy but now I got no butterflies whatsoever. Thank God this settled quick. I might sound like a nerd, but I could not afford losing my precious time thinking about a guy whom I don't even planned to have a future with. It's pointless and seems like a child-play. Plus, I am cringing myself and my self dignity felt tainted whenever I giggled because we had even the slightest interaction.

It is funny you know? Being a teenager, falling in love la kononnya. It did make my life more interesting and fun while it had lasted. Thank you my dude. 

28th October 2021

Till then,

BYE!